“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn
Most men don’t choose the people around them; they attract them unconsciously: Whoever was at the job, whoever was at the gym, whoever laughed at the right jokes. Then one day, they look up and wonder why their life looks the way it does.
Water seeks its own level. Pour it into connected containers and it settles at the same height in every one. Men work the same way. Whatever level the men around you are living at, that’s where you’ll settle, unless you decide otherwise.
Jim Rohn was one of the first motivational speakers I ever listened to. If you get the chance, listen to one of his talks. He doesn’t sound like most speakers. He’s funny and he’s captivating, and I’d catch myself laughing out loud, feeling like he was talking straight to me. He came from almost nothing, and his story was anything but a straight line.
Take another look at the quote at the top of this letter.
For a long stretch of my life, I proved that quote right in the worst way. When I was living in the immature masculine, a warrior and a taker, I attracted men who would validate my way of thinking. I needed that. My ego couldn’t stand anyone who challenged me.
So, if I was a warrior and a taker, I was surrounded by warriors and takers. Everything was a battle. Everything was conflict. One of the philosophies of our business back then was churn and burn. And when that’s your philosophy, people stop mattering. They’re a means to an end. The goal is the only thing that counts.
What level was that water sitting at? Low. And I couldn’t see it, because every man around me was standing in it too. There was no higher perspective.
What changed that was mentorship, and the humility to be surrounded by men who inspire me instead of men who agree with me. That brings me back to the Rule of 33.
Spend a third of your time with men who are working to get where you are. They’re not beneath you. They’re in a season you’ve already walked through, and you have something they want, so you pour into them. Spend a third with men at your level, doing similar things, so you can look across and realize you’re not alone in your problems. Maybe you learn something from how another man parents. And spend a third with men you’re aspiring to become, men who’ll tell you the truth and challenge the way you think.
If you can spend real time with five people, make it six for easy math:
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Two men working toward something you already have
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Two men beside you, to bounce ideas off and laugh with about the road you’re on together
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Two men you look up to, where you’d say, if I end up where he is at his age, I’ve done well
This isn’t about surrounding yourself with top performers. It’s about variety, men who reflect back the things you do and don’t want, so you’re clear on your own path. Nobody defines that path but you and God. It won’t look exactly like any of those six men’s. Success is different for every man.
So here’s your first move. Write down the six men you actually spent time with this month. Which column is empty?
This week’s lesson: You’ll settle at the level of the men around you, so choose them on purpose. Two behind you, two beside you, two ahead of you.
